I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
