Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
