Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
