hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are all done wearing pants today
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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