Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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