Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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