He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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