So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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