you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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