The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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