I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
