Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
