the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
