i don't like sucking hair
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
