I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize