Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
