Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
