I want to have your abortion
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
