You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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