We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
