Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize