So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
