We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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