This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
