Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
