Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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