I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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