I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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