It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
