what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
