I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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