I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
