My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize