It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
