I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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