I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
