We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
