Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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