We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Michael Bay diarrhea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
