I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
