Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
