yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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