she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
