i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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