as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
