After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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