I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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