Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
