I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
