I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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