My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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