He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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