No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
