She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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