Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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