Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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