Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
