Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
