I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
