he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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