Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
