my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
