Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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