theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
