i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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