Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
