I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
