1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
