I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Vodka?
Forever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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