yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
