She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i've created a new STD.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
