Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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