i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
