Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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