His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
