we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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