the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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