i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
