i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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