Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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