I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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