I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
