my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize