My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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