well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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