Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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