oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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