I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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