and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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