What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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