i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
