So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
