i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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