I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
