You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
