Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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