She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
barbara walters just said penis...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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