Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
