You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
