every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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