Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
