Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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