hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
