So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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