im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
