I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
