This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
