Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
