I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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