Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize