i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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