They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
